Here's another facet of MMN/Sari Says - ESTEEM and Advise. One of the bonuses of having come through a life of health and personal challenges is that I have always tried to see the silver lining. Of late, that silver has become tarnished in the battering of the times we are living through. I am not facing life in a war torn country. I have a roof over my head - I have no right to complain if I don't make an effort to understand it and make my circumstances (and those affected by me) improve if I simply look within and take accountability to a better point of view. How can I keep benefitting others who come to me if I don't shake my own paradigm tree? Here I share 2 recent conversations with some excellent friends. They help me SEE that MY tree is in need of some pruning!
One good conversation was about an old children's classic BOOK (the kind with pages!) called The Giving Tree, By Shel Silverstein. A parental Go To book as much as Goodnight Moon, Velveteen Rabbit and others that help us plant morality seeds into the tiny minds we are blessed to be guiding as parents. Silverstein was one of the most soulful authors rising out of the Boomer generation. However, for an adult, The Giving Tree (discussed as part of a recent conversation) may NOT be a healthy guide for the person in the midst of discovering an historic codependent pattern that needs to be recognized and then heal from! During the discussion, we concluded that The Tree was an enabling doormat for The Boy. The Tree gave everything and asked for nothing. The Boy took, and took of The Tree without a thought that his safe place was becoming critically deficit in what it could provide for The Boy. Sometimes, The Boy was resentful about The Tree's "lack" at the time of need. The Tree felt GUILT for not being useful! By the end of the book, The Tree was only a dying stump, still happy to see The Boy, but sad it could only offer the unhappy, never fulfilled Boy, now an elderly man - the Stump to be sat upon to provide the last comfort for The Boy. Seen with my continual life struggle of not falling into my "root of origin" pattern of codependence ... that point of view shook my roots! What was The Tree thinking in being such a doormat? At what point should The Tree demand of The Boy - some conditions and proof of The Boy using the strength of The Tree's generosity any further? At what point is The Tree culpable for being left with nothing? At what point should The Boy have put some Miracle Grow and care BACK into The Tree in a reciprocal and healthy life relationship? The Boy would be gone for years - leaving the The Tree to wonder, and "pine" for the boy to come back and need more. The Tree saw itself as only viable if being worthy of The Boys need for rescue. When I listened to the conversation, The Giving Tree changed for me - is not a healthy morality example. Being a caretaker and a people pleaser renewed my earlier epiphany learned decades ago in Alanon! WOW. Okay, I refreshed owning some character development here! Grateful for friends making fearless talk with each other!
As Sari Says and MMN, you see me relate situations to favorite songs of mine. Here's one from John Mayall, I Want To Go from his 1990 Sense of Place album. Just remember, each has a jail of our own making - and where ever you go - there you are. ;)
Thank you MMN devotees! I did say - we talk about It All around here! :)
2 comments:
Interesting conversations. I liked the uncovering you were able to do on The Giving Tree. I now feel better about the story and its "morals," knowing that I am not the only one who felt the boy acted greedily and inappropriately. It had always left me feeling ucky inside after reading it.
Greedy and inappropriate. Agree! I believe our radar is an early warning system. If something appeals or does not appeal by that inner message, you have a chance to flesh it out, ask questions and avoid or solve issues life will bring you! TY for your comments! SJ/MMN
Post a Comment