I'd be dead and in a jar if I wasn't stubborn, loyal, left brain leading with a good chunk of right brain talent. Every idiot has a blog now. I hope to be a readable idiot. I have been "out" and advocating about Crohn's Disease and ulcerative colitis for decades. I talk about my own life being saved with my Ileostomy. I am known as Sari Says or Dear Baggy in a lot of internet and organizational forums. I have been blessed by every bad day of illness by being able to work directly with other patients and seeing them avoid or rise up from really awful situations. Professionally, my W-2 Career was cut short due to my illness and surgical losses of too many body parts - in 2002. I was accepted (on first pass with an 'invisible' disease) for SSDI. Since 2003, I have had 6 more operations, but kept most of my innards. More surgery in 2012 first quarter, like as not. I don't, but it is what it is.
On the home front, my husband has carried the only steady income holding us together (and family medical insurance Thank God) since my downfall. I am good at small business, so I am his partner for maximizing and holding us stable as my valuable contribution. I earn my keep. Especially in these world economy challenged years for all of us. I know a few things about a few things. We have sustained with integrity at a time when so many are losing everything. I am grateful for this each day.
When you have an illness, how you cope with being in a chronic battle for staying alive is totally intertwined with your personality and life history. Every aspect of who we are comes to bear during the hardest times of life. If you don't feel good about who you are apart from illness challenges, it is much harder to accept, learn and manage your entire life. IT IS MY PERMISSION TO BE HAPPIER. If you are happier, your whole life set of choices looks very different in a most wonderful way. You can be a better friend, spouse, parent or career person. You in turn, thinking better of yourself, will attract to you others of the same outlook and healthier relationships as kindred support lines and fully reciprocal relationships. I make mistakes even as I try to correct them. Each time I get too far away from my standards, I get into trouble. I am a slow learner. But I get there eventually. With some very serious life changes in front of me ... I need to make a living out of what I have lived and what I can give to the world. I dream of being off SSDI all together and still work from home. The busted body parts are not comin' back. But my brain works just fine! What I know is worth being paid for. If you see me and can put out your hand to open a door as I have made my life mission to do ... lemme know. I trust that "karma does come back around."
I have my degree in Broadcasting from 1979. I was a small town radio jock for a good run of 20 years on various central Minnesota dial locations. I have had all kinds of other jobs and run small businesses to speak to that area of life. I am a parent. Our son turned out better than I could want, even if we made mistakes as all parents do. He's CAPABLE of what he will be and get there with his own good radar. Probably that's why you read my blog and see all my sides. I am plugged in. I am a politically interested person, a life coach person, a funny wise ass person, wife, mom, protector and massive scrapper when I see imbalances going on. Having run our former car repair front office for small business management along with our current one income property by dealing with tenants - I have a sharp BS Meter. Paraphrasing Judge Judy, "I have met you a hundred times and know what you are within moments of being around you." Although I am not passionate or even all that articulate in Astrological studies - being Capricorn and a Red Head give you a clue about who I am. I am a survivor of oh so much.
Any phase of change in my life has not been easy or without pain, or without some further knocks to climb out of it. But in most cases, even years later, it makes sense to those I affected. Or even myself. Loss is hard. I want the silver lining, but have to wait and I know this. I have to keep my humility to accept this journey. This feels like a life job I was handed. I have tried to give it back so many times, but it seems I was given a purpose, and I am doing the best as I can.
I write this First Part in order to write the next two entries in the next couple days. More personal than my IBD illness. Hell, that's just social discomfort in body function. Millions of us with broken guts are simply more Turbo Charged. Nope, this is harder, but I am not ashamed. I am a little scared. I am back on a much over-grown path of Good Esteem. I am flawed, I have pains to understand in order to heal, but I can still reach out to you if you are on the same journey too. "God, grant me the serenity to ..." PART TWO
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